Vanity Fair Party

This person knows the kind of scoop I am looking for, has helped out in the past and so she delivered. The Vanity Fair party can be very intimidating as the stars there usually have the biggest egos and are the ones who are the most pretentious, snobbish, high and mighty, hypocritical, and elitist. Thankfully my friend has none of those qualities but she does not just walk up to Guy and Madonna and say something brash like our Elton John correspondent would have. On the other hand she did not keep drunk dialing me until 4am either so you take the good with the bad.

News and Notes from Vanity Fair Party

I know this is supposed to be about gossip but the first person I saw was the artist David Hockney. I actually got his autograph. I love his work. I feel like this party is for the adults and that everyone is in the formal living room which we never use. I love dressing up, but these people are all acting while they are here celebrating acting which is surreal. Al Gore came up to me and told me how much he liked my work. I thanked him and then wiped off about twenty lipstick prints off his cheeks. If something is alive, Bill Maher will hit on it. If I was gay, I would do Portia De Rossi. My god she is beautiful. I think Robert Downey Jr. and Al Pacino are melding into the same person. I thought I was low person on the totem pole until I saw Breckin Meyer. How did he get in? Everyone wanted to see Reese Witherspoon but Ryan ruined it by coming here. I think Oprah is the Queen of the World. Everyone has to make their manners with her and you feel like curtsying when you see her. When I saw Kirsten Dunst, I did not know she was with her brother and I thought, they make a nice couple. When I found out it was her brother I just hoped it was not going to be an Angelina Jolie family type moment. You know Gwyneth and Madonna are from the US. Why do they act British? It is just annoying. Rose McGowan got a new boob job and her boyfriend reminds me of the time Dwight Yoakum and Sharon Stone hooked up. Rene Angelil and Celine Dion belong in a museum. They are so stiff and they act like they are stuffed anyway. Celine acted as if she was channeling some type of late 60's early 70's commune princess who got dressed up. Seriously, they both creep me out.

Good Lord, I think something exploded on Brittany Murphy's dress. Her boyfriend acts like a poodle. He might not last until the end of the night as her boyfriend. Isla Fisher always makes me laugh. She and Sacha are good together. I know everyone thinks of him as Borat but I just always see him in Talledega Nights. I see he and Andy Richter kissing in my head and it always makes me smile. David Spade was even worse than Bill Maher. Hayden P had a chaperon tonight so there were no 50 year old guys hitting on her. Chris Klein, I am not sure you even like girls, but your new girlfriend is a dead ringer for Katie Holmes. Hey, James Woods and all of you other guys. Do I have a sing on my head that says please hit on me, I am attracted to old, attached men who will screw anything. Hey Jessica Biel. Are you really doing Fez? Then who is the guy you are with tonight? Did you use an entire tube of lipstick at once? I jumped up and down and saw Tom Cruise. Vince Vaughn was hitting on a woman and then her husband came up, and he said," but you don't have a ring on. It was fair game man." Kelly Lynch looked amazing and Keith and Nicole looked so happy and they talked to me which was even nicer. They wanted hints about my show, but I told them I do not know what is going on either.