Crazy Days and Nights

As you know Friday is fast approaching which means more blind items will be revealed. All of the items will be from January's blind items. Tomorrow I will post the items which will be revealed so that you may take one last guess before the blindfold comes off. Today I will post some blind items from the last few weeks and provide some hints. Nothing as tortuous as the last time I provided hints. Instead of being wordy, I am hoping this time, the answers can be found with as few words a possible.

January 2, 2007

This former A list actor primarily known for his television roles had a vice paid for by his employers without them even knowing it. Our intrepid actor would haunt various seedy massage parlors until he found a special lady or two who gave excellent happy endings. He would make a deal to the owner of the parlors to buy the girl or two and then convince the studio to hire them as his masseuses. This allowed our actor to indulge in his fantasies while at the same time always seeking out new parlors and new ladies to replace his current ones. Everything was great until his last show tanked. Paradise was no more for our actor who soon found out that in many of his visits to massage parlors he was videotaped. With no more money coming to the parlor owners from the studios they wanted it from the actor and were threatening to make the tapes public. With no work coming in, the actor sold everything he had and even made some questionable legal decisions all to keep these not so nice people from coming after him. Meanwhile he could never say goodbye to the parlors and they were ruining his life. He finally has given up the parlors and paid off his debt and new work is finally starting to come his way. No word on who his new masseuse is.

1. Read it carefully
2. Something in common with Matthew Broderick

January 8, 2007

JACKASS

This past weekend I was leaving one of my favorite restaurants in LA. I love a good steak and this place has the best. Like everyone else does here in LA, I was waiting in line for the valet. There were about four people ahead of my group. I had seen this actor inside, and although we are not friends, we certainly know each other enough to say hello. Throughout the evening I had seen this actor enjoying drink after drink and growing louder and louder. He was being obnoxious, but nothing out of the ordinary or worth a mention here. UNTIL, he and his companions emerged from the restaurant and proceeded to push their way through to the front of the valet line. For some reason there was only one valet working and so things were moving a little slow. However, everyone was in a good mood and no one was complaining because they could all see how hard the one valet was working. He was not walking anywhere. He was running flat out. The valet looked to be in his mid 20's and was from Mexico. His English was poor which was going to cost him in a few minutes. When our actor came outside, the valet was not there because he was running to get a car. This immediately sent Mr. Ass into a rant about how no one has good service anymore and he had a movie opening soon and companies just did not value customer service.

So, the valet comes back with a car and now there are three people ahead of my group and the first in line prepares to give his ticket to the valet. The valet is about to grab it, when Mr. Ass says, "Hold it, I need to go first. I have a talk show I am supposed to do in twenty minutes." Well it is almost 11pm and no one is buying that story. The valet did not really understand what Mr. Ass was saying, just that there was an angry man getting more angry by the minute right in his face. The valet kind of gave a half smile and a shrug, and went back to the person who was first. At that point, Mr. Ass decided to play the do you know who I am card. I hate that card and to have this almost A lister recite what he has done and is doing to a man who did not understand a word was really humorous if you were not being the guy yelled at. It is so LA and so annoying. At that point, Mr. Ass lost it and his friends were trying to slink away. Mr. Ass said he would just go get his car himself and where were all the damn keys. The valet pointed and Mr. Ass got his keys and then asked where the cars were parked. It turns out the cars were about two blocks away. That sent Mr. Ass into a rant about how could the cars be protected if they were that far away and there better not be any damage to his car, etc. BUT it was too far for him to bother with it and that the valet should get it NOW. Well, it looked like we were in for another outburst of yelling and screaming, but everyone agreed Mr. Ass should go first. We just did not have the guts to watch it and you could tell the valet just wanted to escape the wrath of Mr. Ass.

The valet got back a few minutes later with the vehicle and Mr. Ass actually had the nerve to say it’s about time. No tip, no manners, and not the first time. Needless to say, the valet made a ton of money off the rest of us, but Mr. Ass needs a good ass kicking.

1. Something in common with Bill Murray

January 10, 2007

This B list actor is starting to ride high. He has been in the business since he was a toddler but has just started to change everyone’s perceptions about him. He is loving life right now and in his mind things could not get any better. In addition to acting, he owns his own company with two of his friends. Moving from one project to the next and his rise up the ladder caught the eye of a still teenage C list actress on the way up. She has always moved from one guest spot to the next and always finds someone to sleep with at each of these stops. Whatever she is doing is working. Instead of one off guest spots, she is starting to get some multi-episode jobs from her grateful previous co-stars. She used our actor to gain a couple of film roles and now wants to move on. She is tired of sleeping over at his place, pretending to still like him and making small talk like she still cares. She has larger fish now to find in the film world. He is crazy about her, knows nothing of her past, and would be crushed to learn that she is using him and his name and is counting down the days until production starts on her new film next month. Thanks to his help, it is her biggest role yet and should vault her to the B list. But for him there will not be that fairy tale ending.

1. Is the Andy Griffith show too many degrees of separation?

January 10, 2007

Anyway, so at lunch yesterday. Popular place, but nothing outrageous or pretentious about it. A few celebrities were there and this particular B actor(movie and television) was in a corner being friendly with his date. VERY friendly. The kind of friendly where you know that this is date 1 or 2. The kind of friendly where she did not bother to wear much on top or bottom. The kind of friendly where this was just the start of something that was going to continue long into the afternoon. They were definitely getting their groove on. I had no reason to suspect what was going to happen next because I did not know he was married. I just thought he was enjoying being someone. A waiter interrupted their groping/petting at one point to whisper something into the actor’s ear which was unintelligible. However, he stood up quickly and said "My wife?" He grabbed the girl, pulled her up from her chair and dragged her out the back door of the place in about 15 seconds. I really did not think someone could move that fast. At about the time the laughter died around us, a woman I did not recognize, but presumably is his wife came through the front door with two of her friends, and the entire place, en masse kind of shifted to look, looked, and then went back to what they were doing. Only in LA.

1. Not Mel Gibson
2. Has been on approximately 10 canceled tv talk shows

January 17, 2007

A few weeks ago, this actor was at a party with his award winning actress wife of a few years. Also at the party was his former girlfriend and co-star now married but solo that night. The two have remained close. Throughout the night our actor and his ex flirted outrageously. Enough so, that the notoriously jealous wife really wanted to leave. Our actor sweet talked his wife like a poet and said there was nothing to worry about. He was just friends with his ex. Twenty minutes later another guest at the party opened a locked bathroom door that had not been completely shut and found our actor and his ex with certain parts exposed. The intruder apologized and left and proceeded to tell all at the party what they had seen. Most couples caught in the act would end it right there. However, our actor continued on until completion. After emerging from the bathroom tryst, our actor was a model husband and never left his wife's side. If she knows, she is not telling.

1. One word in the blind item will make it all very clear.