There are two kinds of celebrity sightings at the Comedy Fringe. (Before I continue, I promise I will try and get some actual photos of celebs in the next few days)
1. The real celebrity sighting- Given the amount of people, well like EVERYWHERE, it is always surprising that celebrities, even big ones, can walk down the street relatively unnoticed. In the years I have come here, people like Damien Lewis, Emma Thompson, John Malkovich, Sam Waterston, Ricky Gervais, Ian McKellen just walk by, totally unmolested. Everyone else is too busy being distracted by the craziness. Only the lucky few will even notice them walk by. That doesn’t mean they never get recognised- they do, especially in bars where there is less distraction. So far this year my celebrity spottings have included:
-BBC legend Nicholas Parsons (he must be about 80) walked by me in a venue (slowly, with a cane), and a fan (lady, about 75 years old) jumped on top of him with excitement. No joke. We all thought he was going down. I had my phone out ready to call for an ambulance.
-Greg Proops bombing it around the edge of George Square just before his show
-Stephen K Amos in the Loft Bar at Gilded Balloon, Teviot
-Richard Bacon and his unbelievably adorable 9 month old baby boy Arthur
-Amy Lame near the Meadows
-Sue Perkins getting ready to do a piece-to-camera right outside St. Giles Cathedral
-Jeffrey Archer looking lost (let’s hope he stayed that way)
-Politician David Blunkett- and this really happened – who I totally thought was staring at my boobs till I remembered he is blind.
2. The ‘holy crap, is that (insert name here)?’ speculation-game sighting. These are much more fun. These usually happen in the bars, or in the queues that proceed each show. There’s a lot of people standing around at the venues, drink in hand, paying no attention to the conversations they are in because they are too busy looking out for famous people. And there are both famous people and people who look like famous people EVERYWHERE. This has happened three times to me already- one guy looked like Perry Farrell (I must admit falling victim to the game because I am such a huge Jane’s Addiction fan, and nearly had a heart attack), and another, who I am pretty sure was Skillrex, but I cannot be certain. People around him were freaking out. Yesterday I thought the guy smoking next to me was Ian McCulloch (can you guess my age yet?) till I heard his disappointingly not-Scouse accent.
Of course, I have three ultimate celebrity sightings I really want this year- Rich Hall, who has been one of my favourites since about 1984; Eddie Izzard, whose protege Trevor Noah is performing, so it is not too unrealistic to hope to see him; and The Hoff, who will be here performing in a few days (bars are his natural habitat, so I remain optimistic). Rest assured, my children, that if I see any of them, there is little I wouldn’t do to get photos and perhaps an interview out of them. Yes, I will look like a fool, and probably spoil any chance I have of eventually settling down with Eddie in a slick NYC pad (second house in London) in a lifetime of blissful conversations where he pours me another glass of ridiculously priced (but organic, and diverting funds to poor orphans in Namibia) wine, and he says to me ‘Darling, you are the funniest, wittiest, most lovely girl. And what a rack. I am so lucky to have you in my lif-
Hang on, I’m digressing here. *ahem*.
The point is, I am willing to forgo all this happiness with Eddie, just so all you fellow CDAN readers might get a little personal attention from him. You’re welcome.