Seymour Plow-Me-More is hardly in the closet. That is, if you live in L.A. Saying Seymour's gay is like saying Tom Cruise is super into Scientology. It's just a known fact.
So why, then, is SPMM, who happens to look rather fetching in a dress, still shy about his homosexual ways? After all, Plow hardly blushes when he propositions men for sexy time in bath houses. Plus, it's not even like Seymour has a red-hot career to worry about.
Thing is, coming out is über-complicated—as we assure you, outing himself isn't entirely Sey's decision alone. There are far too many people and companies relying on SPMM being this big macho Hollywood man (which we, and America, so aren't buying anymore).
Guess that's the only reason Mr. More is taking extra precautions:
Ritzy spas are hardly the only place Plow-Me-More likes to get his freak on. Just like any married skank in this town, Sey-babe hits the dirty-ass club scene to get his gay on, too.
Problemo is certain folks have Seymour occasionally concerned that people are watching his every friggin' move trying to out him. Like, duh. So what's a gay man with a legacy at stake to do? Well, SPMM made one particular club (since he's such a regular there) install an extra-special private door to give him more discreet in-and-out access…no pun intended.
We just don't know what to do anymore! 'Mour is so desperate to get out of his situation he has going on with the Missus, et al, he will just never do it himself, ultimately.
So, should we break our cardinal rule of no outing?
Seriously, if the fact that Seymour dresses up in drag (it's where he feels quite comfortable) during his alone time isn't a rainbow herring enough, we don't know what is. If it isn't gonna be us doing the dirty work, you bet it's gonna be someone else with a camera and mortgage ready to sell out old S.
We'll play nice for now and let Seymour Plow enjoy his time out of the spotlight. Dude's already been through enough. Unless you all disagree?
And It Ain't: Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks