Hold Still I'm Trying To Squirt On You
Just when you think you have seen it all or heard it all or even read it all, along comes Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone who shared a story with The Observer that didn't make it into his book about his sister. Of course since the story is not about his sister that would probably make sense. He claims the story didn't make it in because the lawyers for the publisher thought it would be libelous. Well, then of course it makes sense to go ahead and share it with a newspaper then because that makes it not I guess in his twisted logic. I don't understand, but hey, it is a great story.
Christopher basically spends several minutes trashing Demi Moore and saying she uses gays like handbags. He says that Demi only wanted to be friends with Christopher until she found a straight guy. When she found Ashton, then it was bye bye Christopher. To show what great friends they used to be he offered up the story of how he and Demi were dancing at a club one night and that Demi took offense to some of Christopher's lesbian friends.
Instead of walking away she decided to show them something else. She took out her breasts. OK, strange enough right there, but wait, it gets better. Apparently Demi was lactating from a recent birth. I'm guessing it was from a recent birth. I guess it could have been that Brice enjoyed the taste and didn't find it soury or weird like Pete Wentz. Anyway, Demi took out her breasts, and according to Christopher, began squirting her breast milk all over Christopher's lesbian friends.
I admit that I am an ignorant guy, but it seems to me this would be a bit difficult unless the women being squirted just kind of stood there about a foot from her. I mean is it possible to jet it out like some kind of death ray? Is there a contest somewhere for distance? What exactly is the world record for squirting breast milk across a crowded dance floor? Do you get extra points for accuracy?
42 comments:
enty, since you said you beleived the book chris wrote had madonna behind it, a person we all know is full of shit, why would you believe this story? demi is aging much better than madge and it sounds like sour grapes to me.
ew
Yes, often when I'm offended by gays my girlfriend knows, I whip out Mr. Sillyhose and pee all over them.
There, I sure showed them.
Hey Demi...got milk? Yeah, you know you do...
you bad girl you..
Hm the first version of this story that he told made it sound much nicer, like she'd done it to be crazy and "funny". Hm.
funny story
I'll second captivagrl's "ew" and raise it a "Grody!"
What a great facebook status update... "gettin' breastmilked by demi"
If he couldn't put this story in the book because it's "libelous", how the hell did the rest end up in there?
There's a fantastic story about Courtney Love snorting coke "for the first time" in the book. The 5 bucks I spent on it was worth it, for that little tidbit alone.
Anyway, a few years ago, I went on a booze cruise with my girlfriends. One of them had given birth recently and was lactating. She had to go back to the cabin all night to pump, and later in the evening after she had had a few cocktails, she did squirt us. I was several feet away from her and she got me. It was pretty gross, actually. The smell of sour breast milk is not a pleasant one.
harriet - that is hilarious! i am torn between wanting to laugh and making a face... is this something that is more common than i thought, perhaps? being childless with only childless friends, i really have no idea.
This lesbian would have beat her ass for spraying me.
Nothing like perpetuating stereotypes, eh? [takes a bow]
ummm..it was not milk...it was silicone...
Breastmilk = pee? Really? That
is kind of nuts.
you can, in fact, shoot milk pretty far. Over 6 feet would not be an exaggeration...
Squirting someone with bodily fluids is f*cking gross. Those women should have had Demi charged with aggravated assault.
Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger...you may see a stranger squirting breast milk across a crowded room...
What gives? This is old, old news. Slow celeb day Mr. Ent?
squirting someone is only gross if they are not PAYING for it!
lol@J
What a bizarre story. However, you can probably squirt breastmilk pretty far. It is crazy. Why you would do it is another story.
Well said, J. I stand corrected ;-)
you think breast milk squirts far, trying not putting a diaper over a baby boy when you're changing him.
Don't pump or feed when it's time and you're talking field goal from the 30 yard line.
You all are kidding me, right?
MOST OF YOU READING THIS RIGHT NOW HAVE DRUNK BREAST MILK AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE.
It's disgusting and vile when a woman squirts the nourishment that sustained approximately 98% of the world's entire population for the whole of human history for the first 6-12 months of their collective lives...
...yet the majority of you have no problem actually DRINKING the bodily fluids of animals like cows and goats who are forced to produce a substance that their bodies produce for the offspring they will never have.
Give yerselves a collective head shake, people.
www.milksucks.com
Go vegan.
Well, he's sealed his fate as a crybaby tattle-tail and no one cares.
OMG! As a mother who's breastfed, I'll help you out Enty. Yes, you can get a good stream from one. I know of no competition to judge accuracy, but distance a good 3-4 feet if you haven't nursed recently.
That said, thanks so much for the laughs! :D
@ Majik
Context, hon. It's context. Get a grip.I doubt very much anyone here is against breastfeeding.
Saliva is totally awesome when I'm kissing a guy. But if he spit on me, I'd freak.
If they were on a dancefloor dancing, there was already limited room and they would have been close but, yes, unfortch, it can spray quite the stream. My husband can attest to this.
OMG! I just fell out of my chair, LMAO! Best reader comments I've seen in awhile!
Majik, it's disgusting and vile to waste such a precious resource. Better?
I'm not a baby cow or goat, so why would I drink their milk? That shit's for infants.
Whatevs... I don't care what the bitch squirted on me, I'd beat her ass regardless.
David D. slays me. That is all.
Molly, good point. So true.
Ms. - good point though I agree with Majik's idea that cow/goat milk isn't really intended for human consumption.
Majik, I'm a wannabe Vegan. Can't seem to give up the meat & animal products for the good for me stuff.
I can't go completely vegan either. Well, I could, but it seems like such a sacrifice, plus there is no way my husband (a chef and militant meat eater) would join me. I am, however, a raw/ living food enthusiast and am leaning more and more towards that way of eating because it seems to be a miracle cure for pretty much anything that ails me.
One thing that really gets me though, is the people that frequent and work at the community organic grocery store here. They all look so damn unhealthy. That's is no way to spread a message, having vegan bloat and smelling like kitty litter.
Hippies.
I was vegan forever before marrying a Texan. He caught me feeding the kids gardenburgers one day and freaked out. He told them "That's not a cheeseburger. It's a bean! Put it down." Then trotted them off to McDonald's to make up for being so cruelly tricked.
God, just what the world needs: another vegan trying to convert the world.
Veganism is fine. Proselytization for any reason gets you a one-way trip to hell with no chance of repentance.
1978..last performance of a summer in the park musical..after-party at the director's beautiful home.A friend whipped her breast out in the sauna because no one could find the ladle to toss water on the rocks.....oh yeah..the smell of breast milk hitting the rock and steaming...
OK -she ALSO did it to annoy these very snooty people who had barged in and asked us to leave (however, the director was sitting with us and not amused by them...but was amused at her quick thinking..the crashers left right away...
I mean is it possible to jet it out like some kind of death ray?
Have you forgotten fembots?
from Syd...
This lesbian would have beat her ass for spraying me. Nothing like perpetuating stereotypes, eh? [takes a bow]
Hey, I've been looking for welding lessons. Are you available?
Does vegan breast milk taste like asparagus? (Those well-read on watersports will know why I'm asking.)
Also, ick.
for Shakey
"Proselytization for any reason gets you a one-way trip to hell with no chance of repentance."
Amen Sista Charlene
@ Miss X
I didn't even go there with the Vegan / animal milk argument because it had nothing to do with the Demi story.
My point was essentially about violation. Squirting or spitting bodily fluids or anything else on someone is f*ucking rude.
I'm with Syd & Lisa - spray me with anything and I'll smack you to next week.
I breast fed my son when he was a baby, but I never tried to have my milk squirt across the room, never even thought about it. I also never even thought of trying it. Figured whatever I could pump (which I hated) would only go to my son, and anything else would be a waste.
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