No Excuses - They Should Have Gone
Betty Whit went on Entertainment Tonight last night to talk about why all of the Golden Girls cast were a no show at Estelle Getty's funeral, but honestly, I don't understand her reasoning and still think it was really a bad idea to not be there. "Funerals are about [journalism], who was there and who wasn't? That's not about Estelle."
To me it is about Estelle. If you know the world is going to judge by who was there and who isn't there, then don't you think you owe it to Estelle to be there so the world does know you loved her and cared for her?
You all should know by now that I love Betty White and think she is still at the top of her comedic talents even at 86. However, I disagree with the whole thing about this is what Estelle would have wanted and wouldn't have wanted, etc. I agree that you knew her very well, but instead of all the controversy that is now surrounding her funeral and the scandal and drama that none of the cast showed up, don't you think you could have taken a few hours of whatever you are not doing now to show up. It would have allowed the world to focus on the positive and the show and how people love and adore the entire cast. Instead we get a few weeks of why the hell didn't they go? Did they all hate each other and not get along and blah, blah, blah.
Betty said they were with Estelle when it mattered. I'm sure you were, but no one knows you were and now because everyone was a no show at the funeral they won't believe you were there for her. I just think they all should have known they would take a bunch of crap for not being there and it would tarnish the memory and joy of a great show. They should have gone.
To me it is about Estelle. If you know the world is going to judge by who was there and who isn't there, then don't you think you owe it to Estelle to be there so the world does know you loved her and cared for her?
You all should know by now that I love Betty White and think she is still at the top of her comedic talents even at 86. However, I disagree with the whole thing about this is what Estelle would have wanted and wouldn't have wanted, etc. I agree that you knew her very well, but instead of all the controversy that is now surrounding her funeral and the scandal and drama that none of the cast showed up, don't you think you could have taken a few hours of whatever you are not doing now to show up. It would have allowed the world to focus on the positive and the show and how people love and adore the entire cast. Instead we get a few weeks of why the hell didn't they go? Did they all hate each other and not get along and blah, blah, blah.
Betty said they were with Estelle when it mattered. I'm sure you were, but no one knows you were and now because everyone was a no show at the funeral they won't believe you were there for her. I just think they all should have known they would take a bunch of crap for not being there and it would tarnish the memory and joy of a great show. They should have gone.
25 comments:
since when does the funeral not matter?
Picture this 2008, a great comedic talent dies and NONE of her cast members show at the funeral.
i bet Stan was there.
What on earth? Yes, it would've been awful to have your grief exploited by the paps, but honoring Estelle was more important than that. Damn, I've always idolized Betty White, and this is very disappointing. :(
They should have gone. The funeral is not for the deceased, it's for those left behind.
Agreed. They really SHOULD have gone. The only excuse I can think of -- and it's a paltry one -- is that attending it would have made each of them contemplate her own mortality. But, yeah. Lame.
I love these women and am sad they did not attend Estelle's funeral however I have to say, just because you work with someone doesn't necessarily make you their friend. They worked on a show together for 7 years, it has been 15 years since then, maybe they never talked after the show ended? Just saying
Let's not just jump on Betty's butt, what were Rue's and Bea's excuse??
Jax, thanks for the Stan comment. :)
i have a perhaps...
perhaps estelle's family asked the remaining golden girls not to come because they feared that the three would take the attention away from estelle and her life. and, perhaps, out of respect for the family they stayed away. and, perhaps, they are being classy ladies by taking the brunt of the speculation...
just a thought.
I've not read the interview, but it seems to me that the gist of it as told by Ent is exactly what is coming to pass. These women are being judged poorly for not attending the funeral even though we know nothing about their motivatins.
On a personal note, a family member of mine died with instructions that he be cremated and scattered over the ocean near his beachfront home. He did NOT want to be buried, and did not want a funeral. Upon his death, he was cremated and his ashes buried following a traditional funeral. Even though I dearly loved this person and it was somewhat cathartic to grieve with others who also loved him, I've always felt a little angry and guilty that his final wishes were not honored.
I myself have created a will that states my wishes to be cremated without a formal funeral. If my friends and family would like to hold a wake, or remember with a party, fine, but please, no speeches or scriptures, or cut flowers. And please, PLEASE don't bury me. Everyone knows I'm a little claustrophobic.
I have read an interview with one of Estelle's sons and he is angry that not one of the other Golden Girls attended his mother's funeral.
dream, you make an excellent point. All of these ladies hail from an era in Hollywood in which people weren't such graceless famewhores. Perhaps they didn't want to take attention away from the matter at hand -- honoring Estelle. Her fame was just one facet of her life. She was a wife and mother, too, presumably, which I'm sure was far more important to her.
lwall7, I'm with you. Ridiculously claustrophobic. I'd rather be tossed in the woods and gnawed at by wild animals than buried. I KNOW that dead is dead, but still.
Funerals are for those left behind. After having my own experiences with funerals, I disagree with mandatory attendance.
BW says they were there for her when she was alive so who cares what anyone else thinks? They were friends/co-workers it's not like her husband or kids sisn't go to her funeral.
Why would people who are nearing 90 years old subject themselves to the paps ? Even the young attention whores have problems dealing with the flashing cameras etc. It's totally different than sitting on the ET set.
I have a lot of customers who are in their 80's - 90's and honestly even the healthiest of them would have trouble dealing with a media blitz.
They are old ladies-give them a break!
Screw the paps! They should have gone because she was their friend. I would think at least one of the ladies might've gone to the service.
Of course people are going to wonder. They were on a hit show together for many years and appeared to be great friends. I hope there is a reason for the no shows.
LMAO@ Ernestine's "gnawed at by wild animals" comment
Enty, I hope you read this. I asked my 80 year old Aunt why she didn't go to the funeral of the 90 year old woman across the street. She said "When you get as old as I do, it is terrible when a lifelong friend dies, so I can't let it give me a heart attack either"
I don't think any one of us is in the position to judge another with regard to attending (or not) a funeral.
Yes, funerals are for the living and from what I've read about her family, I wouldn't have gone out of my way to support them either. Lawsuits abound with two of them pilfering her estate before she died.
Regardless, I've attended some funerals, others I haven't because I decided to use my stress level & grief as barameter regarding attendance.
And what is served by attending for 'show' for others such as the paps. Betty, Rue & Bea supported Estelle while she was alive. That's what counts. IMO, it doesn't matter if strangers aren't aware of every visit & phone call to Estelle.
They've spoken about the last time they talked with her. It was a pleasant conversation and Estelle had absolutely no idea who they were...
My grandmother doesn't attend funerals any more. It's just too much her to handle and too many of her friends have died.
Ms., That's the best excuse I've heard yet - there's no way they could say they didn't want to go 'cause they hate her family.
I just hope that this is a case of ET's usually crappy editing, and that the rest of what she said will come out and will be a better reason than that sound byte.
I HATE FUNERALS...I HATE HOSPITALS...BUT WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE YOU GO...TO PAY TRIBUTE TO A LIFE WELL LIVED, AND SUPPORT THE FAMILY...
Lessons I have learned from having gone through the grieving process (or rather, am learning to live with the grief) much too often:
When a loved one dies, everyone deals with their grief differently. Funerals are the traditional way that many people still choose to show their grief and share it with others who feet likewise. That doesn't mean that everyone needs that process. It sounds to me like the GGs made their peace with Ms. Getty in their own way. Leave them alone. A funeral is the wrong place to judge someone who is grieving in his or her own way and it is most certainly NOT the proper venue for a photo opportunity.
That's just IMHO.
Peace, y'all
P.S. Not everybody who goes to a funeral is truly grieving. Some people go just to "show" that they are grieving. You can't know what's in their heart,just like you can't judge what's in the GGs' hearts by not attending.
These elderly ladies were well enough to be celebrated at the TVLAND awards. They could have gone to Estelle's funeral. It would have been a sign of respect.
My grandmother didn't go to her own sister's funeral. And this was the sister she liked, not the one that gets on everyone's last nerves. I'm honestly surprised she made it through my grandfather's funeral and I sometimes think she only did it because she felt she had to. She has gone to some funerals but it seems the closer the person was to her the more likely she is not to go.
My mom rarely if ever goes to my dad's grave. She said the last time she went there she just felt...something tell her, "You don't need to be here" and so she stopped going. When she does go it's because she finds out I'm going and doesn't want me down in the boonies by myself. Every person is different.
Maybe the GG's didn't want to go simply because it would have hurt them too much. Maybe they weren't close to her after all (and any publicist with half a brain would know that they can't just say that publicly), or they do hate her family (again, can't say it and get away with it), or maybe they just don't like funerals period and so have chosen not to go if they don't have to. We don't know and it's not for us to know.
I just really disagree with Ent's position on this because he's basically saying "You should have gone to make EVERYONE ELSE feel better. You should have gone so EVERYONE ELSE would think that you were all still close." I've always had major gripes about being judged for for doing or not doing something because of how it APPEARS to other people. Fuck other people. They've got their own hearts to look after, not mine or Ent's or any number of tv viewers who only knew them as Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose instead of as four individuals named Estelle, Bea, Rue, and Betty.
If Bea, Rue, and Betty are at peace with their decision then so am I. And whatever their reasons were, I have a feeling that Estelle would have understood completely and that the feeling would have been mutual.
Ent, when you are 86, we will have this discussion again. I will wake your old, crusty ass up to tell you the news that another one of your favorite people has died. Then, knowing that more and more of the world that you know and love is gone forever, I will show the blog site where a bunch of anonymous people accuse you of rudeness because you decided not to travel across the country, at your age, to visit a dead person. Of course, you are so wise at this point, you really don't give a shit and laugh it off. Then I give you some ice cream and we watch reruns of Arrested Development. The end.
Funerals are for the one's left behind. Those who have passed know what's in your heart, and THAT's what matters to them. If these ladies had already made it as far as acceptance in the grieving process, then there was no reason for them to show up just to be photographed. Estelle either knows that they love, admire, and respect her.... or she's dead and doesn't give a shit. RIP
having lost both my husband's parents within a very short time, i understand perfectly why the ladies didn't attend.
we held a memorial service at the church for mom, where EVERY ONE turned out, put on their church clothes and church smiles, and boo-hooed and some were there that she was not fond of and vice versa. but she had done a lot for the church, so it looked good to show up. i was particularly peeved by the gal who stood and spoke about MOM (granted, we all called her mom, but it was something about the attitude).
and then, we took her ashes to maui, and met her friends that they spent every october with there in napili. we laughed, we told silly stories, we hugged, we toasted, we celebrated her life in the place she loved the best, with the people who knew her and loved her the best.
maybe that's what the girls did. had their own party, toasted, laughed, shared stories with other people who celebrated her life, rather than mourning her death.
amen.
Having watched my grandmother suffer for years from dementia before dying, I can relate to having said goodbyes long before the funeral. It is a horrible thing to watch someone you care about go through, and you do deal with losing the person long before the person is actually gone.
I love reading gossip as much as the next person, but I think judging people based on how they behave upon the death of a co-worker, friend, or family member is going out of bounds. Lets stick with sex scandals, tacky clothes, drugs and such. So much more fun.
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